24-02-2016
I looked back at the old videos I'd saved from NightmareChan. The Bug Lady, The Group Hug, and The Church. You'll probably know what I'm referring to if you've been browsing the same sites as me. I cried. I'd gotten so used seeing those videos at only the surface level, as pixels representing my own fantasies, that I forgot they're real. There are genuine physical locations with a longitudes and latitudes where it has taken root. I don't know what The Blossom will make of me, but I do know what humanity will if I don't go.15-02-2016
Managed to find someone willing to sponsor my trip. It's funny how easy things are when you're really motivated. Of course, it's an unofficial sponsorship because they'd never let an undergraduate go to epicentre of the NILS outbreak. But I told my sponsor I was going anyway, and if he was interested, I could do some research there. We'll be reporting as if I'm working with a different group in Germany, but really I'll be at the heart of things.I could go on thinking that way forever. Every sad mood is something to wait out, every kind soul a potential font of salvation, every pang of loneliness exists only to make sweeter the moment when my affection-starved body is filled with love. It scares me how easy it would be subsist images of hope as my malnourished heart wastes away, and I fall from the sort of people who actually could love me. I may never have this much strength and clarity again, so even though it doesn't feel like enough, I need to use it now.
The fact is, I was never going to make it, and I'm lucky enough to get the chance to escape.
11-02-2016
The chance to follow her is vanishing. I've heard nothing for weeks. I only know the name of the town she went to but she might not be there anymore, if she even made it. I'm worried about her. Part of me wishes that's the reason I want to go after her. But it's much more selfish than that.It's easy to pretend I could find someone else to love and to love me. To eventually make friends who want to climb trees in the park with me, or stay up all night playing video games. When? Eventually. After I land a job and get money, after I pay for therapy and fix myself, after I meet just the right person.
19-12-2015
JT said she's going after him. Why? He wasn't willing to stay for you, so why should you be willing to go for him? I said that to her. She told me that it wasn't like that but she couldn't explain what it was like. Her words and expression are still rattling like bees through my heart's chambers.I just ... don't get why she wants to be with him when we'd already talked about it. We said we could find happiness here-- that having found each other was evidence enough that it wasn't impossible. I asked what changed but she was to upset to talk at that point.
10-12-2015
09-12-2015
It's weird how I don't feel too jealous about her and J. Like she's shared stories about them sneaking off to fuck in vacant rooms on campus, but, if I'm being totally honest, imagining them together kind of turns me on. I think it's because she reminds me of myself, so it feels like "he could direct these feelings to you, that's a possibility". Besides, she can't do it any more so it's not like I have to worry about being left in the dust.J has always been shameless so she'd heard it all already. So I told her about how he tried to comfort before, how he included me even after not seeing me for years. I loved how he was always laughing and how he could befriend anyone.
She agreed and said she'd gotten funnier since being with him because she kept trying to make laugh.
She gave me a kiss on the cheek, saying I deserved an indirect one from J at least.
08-12-2015
JT and I went for another long walk. I wish we could have kept going forever.I told her that I'd never met anyone like her, who just accepted things. I told her about D, how flustered I was, how my brain short circuited over even an indirect kiss. Then I told her about why we broke up, about my crush on J and how I didn't notice it until I met him again.
She asked about what he was like before and I shared the few embarassing stories I knew. The time he derailed a history lesson by overacting his part as a plague victim, and the time he drank so much at the Leavers party that he ended up at grandfather's house. Which was in Sussex.
05-12-2015
I also thought that since she'd been with J that perhaps I could never like her completely; that I wouldn't be able to see her without thinking of him. But that was just his purpose; to draw us together, so that her and I might meet in the Twilight between our pasts and our future. I'm okay with that. I'm glad fate had a grand design in mind for me. Or perhaps it's just plain good luck. I've tried so hard to not to fall in love with her, but you know, it's okay actually. I can feel this way and act on these feelings and I should never have denied them or held myself back. She can choose if she wants to deal with me and my feelings (which are very easy to deal with). I did fall for her in part because she was the first kind person I met and that's just fate, not some kind of character flaw. It's not gross, it's my own need. Besides, I fell in love with her for other reasons too; she's fascinating to talk to and pretty and kinda lame but in a cool way. And she's so full of worlds that I can't help but want to get lost in her. I can love with her and I can try to show I'm worthy of her love too.03-12-2015
01-12-2015
My mother keeps calling, asking when I'll come home for the holidays and what I want for Christmas. We had a fight over it because I told her the only thing I want, the only thing I've wanted since I was twelve, was nothing. No expectant gratitude or smiles, no anxious anticipation, no guilt at not getting her something or feeling like I've made her squander her limited funds on me, no senseless waste, no more things that remind me of her. Of course I didn't say all that, but she was offended all the same.At least she stopped calling me for a while.
28-11-2015
She invited me to hang out again. I couldn't really say no; especially since I couldn't get our conversation out of my head. We went to a cafe, but decided it was too noisy, so retreated to my room instead. It was messy and she started crying because it reminded her of J's room.He'd left the previous day and she clearly had not. She couldn't even bring herself to see him off at the airport.
I admitted to her then that I liked her a lot, and that I wasn't asking her out, but trying to be straightforward about my feelings. Rather than comfort her to get close to her, I had to let her know so she could choose if she still wanted me comfort.
She laughed and said it didn't matter. "I don't mind if you feel that way. If you feel for me, then it makes sense that you want to be there for me."
I fell in love. I recognised the feeling, only it felt stronger than it ever had been.
One of the reasons I was so torn was that I understood it both ways. I told her I'd seen videos of the Blossom too, that I too had fantasised about it breaching its containment in Johannesburg, spreading across the globe in a cleansing wave, and annhilating all the ugliness in humanity. But I'd never really taken those fantasies seriously, or voiced them aloud, because it all seemed so impossible.
As the day approached, she realised how much of a risk this was. Back then she made a difficult choice; she committed to obtaining The Blossom's tranformation rather than death. Now that she had J who she never expected to love so much, the risk of The Blossom made those choices seem not so different after all. After all, it wasn't certain they'd become powerful rather than merely infected. She had no idea along what lines these fates were separated.
She tried to explain they had a good life ahead of them; they were educated, middle-class, and they'd found joy together already, hadn't they?
But J didn't see the future the same way she did. He could imagine nothing more terrible than being the reincarnation of his father. And he might not even get that given how close he was to failing his degree.
I didn't know what to say. I didn't realise J had those kinds of thoughts and I was stuck processing that.
She cried and I didn't know how to console her. I wanted to hug her so badly but I didn't know how much of that was my own personal feelings. I offered her water, and just sat with her a while. She said he's going tomorrow and she has to decide tonight if she wants to go with.
"What exactly changed your mind?" I asked
She said she originally wanted to go because she was so weak. Because she'd seen more videos that showed the power The Blossom could give others. She needed that power to help her sister get away from her dad. But mostly because people physically and monetarily stronger couldn't keep getting away with the shit they got away with.
I don't know where to start either. There's so much but I know very little.
Basically JT showed me a video. It's hard to describe, it looks like it was shot on an old phone, in a cabin in the woods. There's a dead girl in an icy tub, sans one eye. Only she wakes up later and has antannae instead.
As I watch her spit ichor into her husband's mouth, JT tells me that she fell in love with this woman. "I've always had a thing for bugs," she says.
Apparently J has seen the video too. This might be the first case of NILS ever documented. Only its manifestation is different to the others. This is what the Blossom is truly capable of; transformation. And this is what J wanted, what JT wanted too until recently, until the reality of it all caught up to her.
26-11-2015
I don't know how to feel.We slept together in the same bad. Slept as in literally slept, not had sex. It was late and I missed the last bus. She said it was fine.
We didn't touch each other or anything. We just slept together. Well, she slept. I couldn't manage to. I was so afraid she'd hear my heartbeat.
Is this what normal people get to have? How do they stand it?
I should be the happiest moment of my life since D. So why don't I know how to feel? It was nice, without a doubt. It was so uncomplicated and easy; she just accepted my precence beside her. I felt welcomed.
Maybe my feelings are complicated by the fact we have a mutual friend, J. And while he's a former friend for me, he's her boyfriend. Only he's leaving soon and she's unhappy about it.
25-11-2015
She asked me if I'd like to play her demos and give her feedback. I said I'd be down for that. It wasn't neccesarily a romantic gesture to ask that of me, it meant she did value my opion and it meant we'd spend more time around each other. At least she doesn't go around kissing random people. Not that there's anything wrong with that per se, it just wounds my heart to see it.Anyway, she asked me if I had a PSP and if she could transfer the game files. I said, yes, and then she ... gave me her address? And asked if this evening would work? What. the fuck. Again, not neccesarily romantic, but it still left me almost speechless. I nodded and said I was free this evening. Technically, I needed to study but this was a once-in-a-lifetime event and I knew the material pretty well anyway.
Will update tomorrow.
But I can't just not get close to her. This is how I think of it: I would like for her to fall in love with me, but if she doesn't that's okay.
20-11-2015
I ran into JT at the laundromat. She was doing her bedsheets which were much brighter than I expected. I also didn't expect it to have a random anime guy on it. I approached her and asked how her game was coming along. I don't know if that was appropriate to do, but she didn't seem to mind. I still feel gross about taking that risk because I don't think it's morally defensible to take an action that might make someone uncomfortable even if it turns out that it doesn't.She said it was going well. They'd not had much time to work on it lately because of some personal issues. The conversation fizzled out then, but I've seen that happen when she spoke to others too.
17-11-2015
lol Blossom-chan has been officialy declared a symbol of extremism. I guess because the situation there isn't improving.15-11-2015
My mother called me to ask how my studies were going. She said that I shouldn't work too hard and there are more important things in life. What she meant by this is "My darling child would only neglect to call me if they were overworking themselves. My poor dilligent baby. I just need to remind them."Actually I have a lot of free time. The course is pretty easy. I just would rather talk to anyone than you.
14-11-2015
There was a showcase today. Most of the games were meh - like platformers with some basic gimmick. But JT's was something special. You start off a space missionary for a religion of your choice, but they're all very obscure and you don't really know what they're about from the paltry description you get at intro menu. You figure that out as you go around converting the citizens of the new planet.It's weird, janky, but JT's heart is splattered all over it, its muscle fibres all tangled up in the 3D models and dialogue trees.
JT was one of those people who never said a word before. After that demo, though, a lot of people wanted to talk to her. Not everyone got it, a few people critised the clearly intentional ambguity in the dialogue, but enough did to swarm her with questions and praise.
13-11-2015
Really into Dead Space lately. And by into it, I mean I force myself to play through the games, apologise to the Necromorphs when I kill them, and then go masturbate to the concept art. How are they so fucking hot? And why is there such a sparsity of fanfic? Maybe I'll write one.12-11-2015
11-11-2015
About a third of the people at the GGD are actually into developing games, the rest just like discussing and playing. Can't say I've made any friends; I joined quite late and everyone knows each other already. But I like listening to their conversations. There are a few people like me who just hang out on the periphery and I feel a kind of solidarity with them even if I'd rather be actually engaged in conversation.04-11-2015
Fuck my phone broke. I'm hoping I can get it fixed because they're so expensive now. I02-11-2015
Saw some weird legs on my way back home. Was tempted to take them back, but K would tease me about that. Although to be honest the thought of that is kind of hot?
01-11-2015
Joined the Games and Game Dev society (or GGD). They're pretty chill people.26-11-2015
27-10-2015
Do you think people just kiss each other? Do they possess a kind of telepathy that tells them when that's the right thing to do? Do they grind on each other knowing their undulations are welcome and will be reciprocated? Do they beam intention straight into each others eyes and go home together to stick appendages in holes and wake up laughing about it? Do people rub each others sensitive parts as casually as good morning? Do people have group chats to organise gangbangs and sex parties? Do people get passed around the friend group? Do J's friends know his taste? Do V's friends know theirs? Do they fuck? Do you think people love each other?24-10-2015
Sometimes, I watch the videos of people infected with NILS. There's one I really like. I don't want to post any on this blog because it's still illegal, but you can find the one I'm talking on NightmareChan. There's a mound of them in the middle of the road, oozing that white stuff onto each other. As the video goes on, another two climb atop the mound and sink into it. It's about a metre high at that point; whoever is at the bottom has surely already been pulverised. But to me, it's a big group hug, and I can't help but think that's what love looks like.24-10-2015
The Velvet Underground absolutely gets it.24-10-2015
is this real?24-10-2015
deleting grindr. fuck my life.24-10-2015
Downloading grindr. fuck it.24-10-2015
J invited me again. I had to decline. Hopefully he stops. I don't want to see that sort of thing again.I'll be drinking anyway tho.
21-09-2015
I have had this notion that I'm doing what I can. That I'm getting out and meeting people. I've been utterly convinced of this. But it's just not true. I go for walks around campus but that amounts to nothing. I had this idea in the back of my head that one day someone beautiful is going to see me looking cool and mysterious reading a book by the lake, tap me on the shoulder and say, "Hey, delectable thing. Let me devour you." And thus begins my most perfect relationship. We might be consumate our love that very day.But that won't ever happen, no matter how much I excude "BEGGING FOR INTIMACY" at all times. Might as well carry around a sign saying "WILL SUCK YOUR DICK FOR LOVE".
19-10-2015
I feel like there's an entire part of reality I've been banned from. this part contains sleep overs, late night conversations about personal myths, napping outside in the grass with someone you love. Who knows what else?It's the part of reality where bonds are formed.
I'm not really a person if you go deep enough. That's why people fear letting me in on this; I won't have the proper reaction and it might hurt them.
14-10-2015
They're only good at this sort of thing because it's what occupies most of their time.
A kiss on the dance floor doesn't have the same gravitas as a true intimacy. It's how they cope with those feelings we're all entangled in.
Yeah, right.
The laughed at you. Of course it was nearby, they'd been today already.
You asked them for pictures.
They were offended by this request and nearly stormed off. After you explained yourself, they calmed down and said, "Really, it's right over there." Then they walked, a mere jaunt away, and shouted at you from the border, "See?"
Well that's basically what it was like seeing V kiss that guy. And thinking about the fact they probably do that all the time. And thinking about the fact J probably does that all the time. That pretty much everyone does.
I've tried to ignore the existence of spontaneous human connection for so long and I almost wish I never had to acknowledge it.
With this in mind, you cobbled together the instructions you'd been given as best you could, and started walking. After a few minutes, you'd wondered if you'd already gotten lost. After an hour, you were sure you were redoubling your previous trajectories, or crossing them at odd angles. But still, you carried on; reinterpreting the directions, you set out again. This time, it seemed to be working. Only it was a long, long, journey, and you hadn't prepared well at all. Had everyone been lying? Did they all go through this ardorous trek and simply not want to acknowledge it? Or maybe it was a prank; maybe the city wasn't so good after all, and only said it was because they knew you'd never make it. Well, you'd show them.
Only you didn't show them. You reckon that you got about half way though, and that perhaps no-one got much further than that. When you saw your friend again, you proudly boasted that you were now in on the joke, you understood for sure that the city, if it was even real, was terribly far away and not worth going to.
12-10-2015
Imagine one day your friend comes up to you and says, "I just had the most pleasant walk to Inteema City.""Inteema City?" you ask. "Isn't that a long way from here?"
"Not at all. It's a mere jaunt, really. You should go." Your friend tells you about how soft the grass is there, how refreshing the water, and how beautiful the meadows are.
Your friend leaves on some errand and you sit with your thoughts. Despite what they say, you're certain it's far away. You've heard lovely things and tried to go a few times, but when you asked for directions you usually got told something vague and unhelpful or which contradicts something you heard previously. There were no public transport routes that went through the city either. But maybe you were being silly and it really was a short walk which is why no-one could give you a proper answer.
What happened was worse. It was going okay for a while. The straddling friend even noticed my shirt and complimented it, but not a few minutes later they were making out with a complete random on the dance floor. Again, good for them really, but how was I meant to react? I couldn't think of them as real people any more; because if they were real people then real people just kiss each other like it's nothing. If that's true then why do I cry myself to sleep kissless and alone?
I left. I had to leave because the world out there was broke and I hoped, at least, things would make sense under my bedsheets.
11-10-2015
So that went awfully.I arrived and I couldn't think of a thing to say. I sucked at the drinking games. It didn't help that one of J's friends was stradling another the whole time. Good for them, really, but I just couldn't avert my eyes and then I felt like a complete creep. I'd gotten so awkward that even J was struggling to keep me in the conversation.
I should have just got the message and excused myself, but no. I had to keep on pushing becase I couldn't think of anything worse than being alone another Friday evening. Not when I was this close to being part of something.
09-10-2015
09-10-2015
So I ran into J again recently, and ... FUCK I'M SO GAY. He's actually really nice now? It makes me forget how much of a dick he used to be. He invited me to pres at his place. Smoothly enough, I managed to avoid saying I haven't been out in a while. What should I wear? I'm thinking my Blossom-chan shirt.03-09-2015
02-09-2015
There's too much stuff in the world. I want to find someone to love and hang out with them in a small, empty room. It's been a while, but I just needed to say that.02-09-2015
music: mentions alcohol
me: let’s get aesthetically drunk
why am I so easily influenced like this
25-08-2014
Why am I crying? I don't know those people, and they might be beyond saving, but it just triggers something when I see them get gunned down. But what really made me cry, this time tears of happiness, was when they stood up again.24-08-2014
J invited me to a party. Of course I turned him down; he's only doing it out of pity. It's not like I'd have a good time anyway. He'd be the only person I'd know there and he knows everyone. He'd mostly be mingling with them or hanging off Cindy, and she wouldn't want me anywhere near her after what happend.- She takes me out shopping despite the fact I had plans to playing Chaos;Child. I refuse to act happy or buy anything and she calls me ungrateful. She asks if she can buy me a shirt, I tell her I won't wear it, she buys it anyway.
- I stay up super late trying to catch up on lost time. In the end, I'm grateful for the excuse. Sometimes I feel like my true self only exists between the hours of 2.30am and 08:00am. But in this case, I was rudely "awoken" at 07:21 and she made me help her walk the door saying we need to spend time together before I go. I'm ashamed to say, I agreed. Was it just habit? I'm an adult now so I shouldn't have to listen. Or was it the implicit threat that she might kick me out? The fact is I still need things from them, documents, shelter, ect. Soon I'll build my independence but I'm not there yet.
- She wakes me up early, saying I need to take care of the dog because she's going out to her cylcing classes. She never asked me about this before. I reminded her that I was against getting a dog in the first place, and said I would not be taking care of it. So I didn't. I kicked it out of my room and it shat on the floor and I didn't clean it up. It's still there now because we both refuse to be responsbile.
18-08-2014
Only one month left. I keep telling myself that. But it feels so much longer. I kind of suspect they want me to go away as long as possible; as much as my mother laments the fact I'll be leaving soon, tries to make me promise I'll call her every day, et cetera, et cetera, she clearly doesn't care enough to make this an appealing environment for me. Here are the events that unfolded over the last few days:15-08-2014
Results day in more ways than one today. Yes, I got into my top choice uni and got A*s in all my subjects, whoo hoo. But also D wrote me a letter. Here's what she said:
05-04-2014
First exam today. Wish me luck.29-04-2014
I disassembled the plug and hid the components. Of course she's mad, but what can she threaten me with? She said I can't go out but I don't have any friends to hang out with anyway. She took away my console, and banned me from playing games. But I'm just studying all the time these days, and she can't ban me from doing that. The stupid thing is that she insists I broke the TV and I need to pay to get it fixed, even when I explained that it's really easy to fix it. My dad, at least, has enough sense to know it's true. But because of that he's just going to get a new plug anyway and fix it himself.22-04-2014
My exams start in two weeks and my parents decided to get a new and MUCH LOUDER TV. I told them that it bothered me, and they both think I'm just making stuff up because "it never bothered me before". Like did you really not notice my constant flincing and wincing and comments about sleeping terribly? It's like they can't comprehend anything that doesn't fit their worldview. Especially my mother.02-04-2014
I sent them a long message explaining that I can't get involved with them that way, even thought I want to. I told them that it's too big a risk for both of us. That, quite simply, they're too young for us to get that intimately involved. But I wished them luck in love and life, and that I wouldn't mind playing more games with them some time. Although I do really need to get back to studying.02-04-2014
FUCK they're 13. FUCK FUCK FUCK. I basically ghosted them after they told me, and they're clearly distressed. They keep apologising. I don't know what to do. I can't just leave them completely in the dark like D did to me. That's too much, especially for someone so nice.02-04-2014
Met a cute person in a TF2 match. They're so freshing honest? I get the feeling they couldn't lie if they tried. They have super cute typing quirks and they just don't stop texting me. I like that. We're still texting now. I only met them literally 24 hours ago but I've already told them about the whole D thing, the letter thing, and the blossom thing. They *get* it. They get that humanity is poison and they want to leave it too. I thought such a miraclous person was not possible.23-03-2014
I made a Blossom-sona; isn't she cute?
19-03-2014
I'm kinda into Blossom-chan. Do you you think I'd get ill if I kissed her?01-03-2014
My parents aren't helping the issue. My mother found out about the break up, and she basically made out as if she'd go over there and beat D up. Are your self-serving displays of violence meant to comfort me? Even though she broke my heart, I still like her infinitely more than you.23-02-2014
Saw her again today and she still says nothing. Not that I said hi, either. I'm just going to focus on studying. I'm so behind already because of this nonsense. Like our love was never meant to be, so I need to just get over it. In fact, it's a good thing it ended so quickly.22-02-2014
Humanity is poison. My DNA is the product of millennia of idiots having sex and concentrating their uncontrolled lust and their uncritical longing so that the next generation is even hornier and stupider than the previous. That ancestral gravity bends my true ambitions towards thoughtless animalism.I should have realised she could not love me. Not the true me. She should have realised she couldn't love me too. When I revealed my truest desire, why did you say nothing at all? Why did you carve a hole to be filled with thousand terrible possibilities instead of just one terrible reality?
19-02-2014
So ... I'm not a virgin any more? I think she might be the one; this whirlwind romance, her gentle yet confident demeanour, her strange inclinations. I thought certain things were issues that I don't never feel like mentioning because they really aren't. She might be the only person who I can exist around, because she is the only person who can percieve me; everyone else sees me as an "awkward highschool boy" or "wayward son" or "weird kid". But those things don't define me. But D, you cans see me.D, I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you, I LOVE YOU, I LOVE YOU, I LOVE YOU, and no matter how many times I say it it could never be enough yet still I must try because you deserve the effort. I've found my path in life, and it is you. You're perfection locked inside a human, but even that won't be a problem once we get out of here.
15-02-2014
I sincerly hope my mother dies. Like right now. May her heart fall out of her ass.14-02-2014
We've been on a few dates and she doesn't hate me yet. We've talked about so much. I even told her something I hadn't ever said out loud before: I kind of wish I was a girl and I wish I was called Aster. I was scared of being hurt but she was so gentle and supportive. I think from now on, I should just trust she'll accept me. Thinking she'll turn on me like all the others has been holding me back.10-02-2014
Wtf, she wrote me a letter. It's not just a coincidence - she heard what happened with C and decided that not only was it fine, but also took away from it that I like letters. So she wrote me one, asking me out. There's a person who gets it? Someone who sees beyond the veil of delusions? I'm so happy right now, I keep almost crying.13-01-2014
It feels nice to crush on someone again. I'm not too hopeful it will work out (as we've seen, humans are trash), but at least I can let the feeling work for me.The problem is that I have to live in world of delusions. I have to appease their whims, which I'll ultimately fail to do because there is no underlying logic. And when I fail badly enough, they'll just kick me out of society. I hate to admit it, but I need other people to survive. I cannot feed myself or make my own shelter, and so I'm left with only these choices:
- Abandon myself an let their delusions pilot my corpse till I rot. A safe but meaningless life.
- Hold onto myself and decieve them all, leech power from them like a parasite until I have enough to stand on my own.
- Just fucking die.
03-01-2014
People are so stupid. I told this person, C, that I liked her in the most romantic way. Although it didn't work out that way, I intended her to have time and space to decide how to respond without pressure. Yet somehow everyone is making it out like I'm a creep. Why did it have to escalate this far? She could have just said she wasn't interested and I would have gotten over it. But the way she looked at me ... the lecture I got from the principle ... they all have such distorted vision of reality.To be fair, I don't think that's neccesarily their fault; between their upbringing, societal pressure, and genes they didn't really have much of a chance, and I feel truly sorry for them. They'll never know anything approaching true reality. I wonder if the reason I've escaped those influences is because my parents are such good examples of how not to be.
25-12-2013
merr crmis, u get a pic.
25-06-2012
Back from holiday. My family was actually tolerable for once, and I'm feeling fresh.14-06-2012
Thought of the day:
Going on holiday tomorrow, but what's the point? I'll just be stuck around the same annoying people, just somewhere sunnier.13-06-2012
Thought of the day:
"This exact sentence has never been typed before." That statement has only been true once, and I probably wrote it falsely. But maybe, "Whereas, this exact sentence, which I am now writing on my personal blog, has never been typed before," has a higher chance of being true. And I get to the the first and only person in history who typed it truthfully! I win at life.12-06-2012
The world didn't end, I just forgot about this blog again. Not like anyone missed me. It's school holidays so I've got more time on my hands.Thought of the day:
how come humans can give birth to entirely new humans but can't heal any of their own injuries? It kind of makes me mad to think about.11-06-2012
Finally added a commenting feature.Thought of the day:
do you think the smartest person in the world knows they're the smartest? There are a lot of people who think they are, but is one of them right?11-05-2011
Is it wrong to hate your mother? What if she's the most annoying person on the planet? She is constantly making noise when I'm trying to relax or study. I'm usually pretty lenient about this, given it's more her house than it's mine anyway. But today it was just too much. She made a point of following me into any room I escaped too. When she left me no other option but covering my hears with a pillow she acted really offended. It's not my fault your singing sucks, mother, it's not my fault you're delusional. So if it's not my fault how can you justify what you said to me? Dear reader, she is insane.She said to me, "You're going to miss my voice when I'm dead." If only she knew how close I was to killing her.
04-05-2011
Ahhh modding is hard. I'm not into FNV right now anway.27-04-2011
So, I forgot I made this for the last month, oops. But I'm bored, so hi again. Maybe I should introduce myself properly? My name is Adam. I'm in Year 10, but school is boring so let's not talk about that. My favourite games are TF2, Saya no Uta, and Fallout: New Vegas. I really want to learn how to make mods. My big goal is to play as a ghoul, specifically a glowing one.16-03-2011
Hello! And welcome to my blog. I've just started teaching myself HTML, so it's a bit bare right now. My next task is to add a comment feature. Btw I don't know how to add posts except directly via the HTML, but if it works, it works.